Say Cheese 2 (OS013)

… or in a shopping centre

I’m a firm believer that if you decide to commit your time to doing something new, you should learn from others who have trodden the same path. Unfortunately, I’ve found that this can get you into trouble.

I decided to start using the ‘Scan as you shop’ device, at our local supermarket. I was just carefully of observing how a female customer was using the shopping device. After a few minutes of trailing behind her up and down the dry food aisles, she moved on to choose some loose veg so my curiosity was heightened since there seemed no way of inputting barcodes on unpackaged fruit and veg. To my surprise, her head swivelled in my direction as she pointed me out to security, who approached me. I explained my reasoning and we all laughed about it. Well, they laughed and I kind of joined in, not seeing anything remotely funny.

It’s like making a coffee, you wouldn’t give it a go unless you have observed a professional Barista for a while, would you? I go for the Iced, ‘Skinny, Sugar-Free, Hazelnut Macchiato, Extra Shot, No Whip’. Believe me, trial and error just wont hack it. I had to dictate notes into my phone for this one, such were the intricasies.

Also, another of my favourite snacks is a cornish pasty. You just wouldn’t make your own without watching Greggs staff (through the glass window preparing these before they open). Crazily, that attracted security yet again. What can a person do these days without someone thinking you’re a dubious character?

It’s like that with blogging. I’ve read quite a few blogs out there. One in particularly I like is ‘Situation Normal’ by Michael Estrin. I enjoyed the blogs and laughed out loud at many of them. Remarkable as I don’t have a sense of humour, as you know. I enjoyed reading about food, politics and pollsters etc. etc. It illustrates the similarities and differences between the UK and our American friends. I enjoyed the blog about ‘cheese’ and the photo of the awesome cheese board (applause). It inspired me to carry out some further cheese surfing.

Cheese seems to be a big thing in the UK I found a huge list of ‘British’ cheeses (on Wikipedia). My favourite ‘Garstang Blue’ wasn’t even in there but how about these for names?

• Cornish Yarg
• Renegade Monk
• Y Fenni
• Barkham Blue
• Crowdie
• Stinking Bishop

Awesome, names. It just makes you want to sink your teeth into them.

Photo by Jay Gaijar on Unsplash

Artisan cheese seems to be a big thing, at the moment. I found that you can subscribe to receive artisan cheese boxes each month. You can even buy a cheese wedding cake (instead of a cake wedding cake) presumably with a cheesy bride and groom on the top. Going a bit far I’d say.

I found out that the world’s most expensive cheese is Pule which is made from donkey milk. It’s over £1000 per kilo. It’s said that donkeys are difficult to milk and the yield is poor. I think you’d have to be extremely brave or an ass to try milking a donkey. However, I’m surprised there aren’t more expensive ones. How about a range of big cat cheese? You know from a Cheetah through to the king of cheeses Lion. If we are talking small yields, how about mouse cheese? Before you say, not possible, they manage to get royal jelly from bees, don’t they?

Whilst searching, I also stumbled across an organisation called the ‘Cheese Board of Britain’ who claim to be the voice of British cheese. That’s one thing even the most expensive cheeses can’t do at the moment, talk. No doubt someone will invent smart cheese which can link to your smart speaker or maybe you could talk directly to the cheese “Feta, how much crumbly Lancashire do we have left?” Bit of a thought tangent there but considering that cheese does not talk, we talk about it a lot.

  • ‘Cheesed off’ – Fed up
  • ‘Cheesy’ – cheap or insincere.
  • ‘The big cheese’ – The big boss
  • ‘Hard cheese’ – hard luck
  • ‘Say cheese’ – providing gleaming smiles on billions of photos.

I decided that cheese was worth looking into further and so I decided to find a book on the subject, if such books exist. A quick search returned quite a few possibilities:

‘The Stinky Cheese Man And Other Fairly Stupid Tales’ – I think I may not be the intended audience for this one.

‘The Great Cheese Robbery’ – I thought this may be about ‘Pule’ and have some potential. Sadly, I don’t think I’m the intended audience again as I believe the defendant is a mouse and the plaintiff an elephant. I may get this for my housemate’s nephew.

‘Who Moved My Cheese’ – This is a concern of mine as my cheese often goes missing. I blame Mal Evolent, my disagreeable housemate. Unfortunatly, it turned out to be about organisational change. It may help though. I left my job. That is a kind of organisational change a pretty drastic one. I may get this.

I’m torn between ‘The Philosophy Of Cheese’ and ‘A Year In Cheese’. Decisions, Decisions. I’ve decided to go for ‘That Cheese Plate Will Change Your Life.’ I need a change.

It would be great to hear from you. Drop me a comment (at the bottom of the page). Just some thoughts on possible subjects but feel free:

  • Your cheese exploits.
  • Do you love or hate cheese?
  • What’s your favourite?
  • Is blue cheese like Marmite, love it or hate it?
  • If not cheese, what food could you not live without?
  • Have you learnt something new recently. How did it go?


… Oliver Sudden

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Claire Williams
04/08/2022 at 10:48

Love your blog. It reminded me of when my partner and I went to France. He was keen on learning French and kept listening to conversations to see if he could pick up any words. It was OK until one evening at a bar when a table objected to him and he received a bunch of words he fortunately didn’t understand.

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